


The Ferryman (When will we reach the other side?)

by Naji_Dragonchild



Series: There's the Light, the Dark and a River in between [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Dark Side, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is the youngest, Canon Universe, Pre-Canon, The Mindscape (Sanders Sides), canon is a concept and I am a five year old who won't accept it without reason
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:15:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29183865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naji_Dragonchild/pseuds/Naji_Dragonchild
Summary: Virgil doesn't know what his family means when they talk about 'light'. But he would like to know.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: There's the Light, the Dark and a River in between [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139984
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

The river is scary.

There are many things that Virgil thinks are scary but the river remains at the top of the list.

Remus thinks it's fantastic fun to throw things inside and watch the current tear them apart.

Janus lets him but he is probably also the reason that Remus can't throw anything across. It always crashes against some sort of barrier.

Janus says it is to protect them.

Virgil isn't sure from what.

The other side looks nice, but maybe the look was deceiving.

Not that he knows. He hadn't been around before the river.

Remus tells him sometimes about how he used to be more before he was Remus and that his other half is on the other side.  
He also talks about when he was more a lot.

But Virgil is never sure how much is true and how much isn't because Remus' memories are just like him - split in half and jumbled.  
A puzzle with too many pieces missing for the picture to make sense. There are too many holes.

Janus claims that those holes are where the _light_ once was.

Remus nods.

Virgil doesn't know what that means.

The light is on the other side of the river, according to Janus.

The first time Virgil touches the river it's not by choice and not his fault.

They're fighting.

Remus sometimes says that their side of the river is more fun but what he actually means is that it's more crowded, more aggressive.

Virgil tries to avoid fights.

He really does.

It doesn't always work.

They are yelling at him first and he yells back and suddenly the other side pushes him.

He falls.

He knows he's going to land in the river before he does.

He doesn't know he'll land with a splash until after.

Virgil spits out water that tastes of mud and iron and rubs it from his eyes.

The other side stands on the shore and stares at him.

Because he's in the river.

He's sitting on a muddy, tocky ground and even though he's not even sitting up straight his head is well above the water.

The water doesn't even hammer against his skin. It doesn't rip his clothes.

It's gentle and almost warm as it flows around him.

"How-?" the side asks but Virgil has no answer.

They kneel down and carefully extend their hand.

Inches above the water they hesitate.

Virgil watches.

They bite their lip and lower their hand into the water quickly.

They pull it back even quicker.

Virgil can only watch as they scream.

The water ripped at them.

The same way it did with anything.

Except for him.

He turns and looks towards the other shore.

Where the light is.

Whenever Janus talks about light he sounds like he's yearning for it.

And Virgil wants to know why.


	2. Chapter 2

Virgil crawls out of the river shaking.

He is dripping wet and now that he’s not in the river anymore the water feels cold.

The side who pushed him in is gone.

They ran away, probably to their room, probably to heal their hand, maybe to tell everyone else.

Virgil stumbles back to the figment’s town, through the dirty streets, ignoring the imaginary people around him.

He makes his way back to the mountain and up the thousands of stairs.

The farther he gets the colder he feels.

He finally makes it up into the main room.

Five eyes land on him.

Janus stands up to greet him but Virgil is too cold to stop and talk. 

Janus follows him to the bathroom and waits as he wraps himself up in a towel and hands him a fresh shirt when he deceids to get changed.

“You heard,” Virgil says.

“I did,” Janus says.

They fall silent for a moment.

“What did it feel like?” Janus asks.

“Nicer than a bath.”

Janus nods slowly.

The second time Virgil touches the river is on purpose.

He takes of his shoes and rolls up his jeans as much as he can.

Then he steps in.

The water is so much nicer than any other body of water he knows.

The ground feels soft under his feet and between his toes.

He takes a few steps away from the shore but stopos before he reaches the middle of the river. He doesn’t know if the barrier will hurt and he doesn’t really want to know.

Instead he walks up the stream.

One part because he can get a slightly better look at the other side from inside the river, one part because he doesn’t have to worry about being attacked and one part because there are some parts of the river where it’s impossible to walk by the shore and he wants to get a look at those places.

Maybe there’s no barrier there.

He doesn’t fully believe that, Janus wouldn’t leave gabs in his barrier, but it’s worth taking a look.

For a while he wanders and looks around, getting lost in his thoughts, somehow managing not to spiral.

“Careful!” a voice calls and Virgil jumps.

He swirls around and spots two sides on the other shore.

At least he assumes they’re sides. 

They are hard to see through the barrier.

“I’m being careful,” the other responds.

They can’t see him, Virgil realises.

He wonders if they could hear him if he called.

He guesses he’ll never know.

He’s too afraid to make a sound.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: dark sides are all kinda toxic, mention of furniture being thrown, mention of dishes thrown at people, mention of gore/body horror, mention of manipulation, implied panic attack

The truth is, Virgil wants to go to the other side.

He wants it more than he has ever wanted anything for himself.

Usually, he wants things for Thomas.

For Thomas to not get hurt, for Thomas to not embarrass himself, for Thomas to not be hated.

And now the want for seeing the other side was pulsing through his very being, getting stronger with every day. 

It’s in his thoughts, his realm, his room.

He wants nothing more than to leave.

The want gets so strong it keeps him awake at night with hot tears running over his cheeks and onto his pillow.

Virgil loves his family.

He doesn’t even know the light sides and what he doesn’t know scares him.

But his family scares him too.

Sometimes even more than the unknown.

When Wrath screams bloody murder, smashes glasses and throws tables, Virgil hides, presses his hands over his ears and tries not to make a single sound because it was something tiny that set Wrath off. Something just as small might bring his attention to Virgil and give him something to throw the plates at other than the wall.

When Remus twists the reality of their side into whatever ugly thing he can come up with, turns the walls into maws with teeth sharp as razors, the floor into quicksand trying to swallow everything in itself and the hiding places into the centre of the ring, Virgil runs and tries to find somewhere where he can be safe and hide, but usually just keeps running because nowhere is safe.

When Janus paints lie after beautiful lie into the air, so promising, wonderful and tempting, yet so, so, very hollow, rotten on the inside but no one is sure which parts are rotten and which aren’t, Virgil hides in his room and turn up his music until he can’t hear the lies anymore, until he can hear nothing but the lyrics and screams along to them until he can’t even hear the lies in his own head.

And once Thomas hits puberty, his family also hides from him, whenever he gets too strong, as if he’s a hurricane of fear, because if they come too close they lose themselves in the panicked thoughts and adrenaline spikes that he keeps Thomas awake with these days.

“That’s why we’re on this side,” Remus claims. “We’re all horrible. _Light_ is only for the wanted ones.”

Virgil guesses he’s right.

He still doesn’t know what light is but he believes Remus.

But even still. Even if he knows that he’s bad and hurting Thomas no matter how hard he tries to protect.

He wants to be wanted.

He wants to be good.

He wants _light._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some feels for ya

Thomas grows older.

His teenage years are stressful to all of them.

Wrath is pushed over the edge so much easier. (Hormones, the adults mutter as if it's Thomas' fault.)

Janus has more to do than ever before because "I forgot" "Sorry I can't come" and "Yeah, she's... my crush", and the last one shouldn't even be a lie, because she is pretty and nice and everyone acts like that should make it the truth.

Remus has ideas, why. Thomas doesn't want to hear them.

Virgil is just trying to keep him alive. 

People want to party, he's supposed to get a girlfriend, he needs to pass his classes, he needs to stick to the status quo, he needs to have friends, he's still not feeling for girls like movies and his friends make it sound he should -

Virgil learns to stay by Thomas' side at all times. Through the day, in class, at home, at night when he's trying to sleep.

But how can he sleep when there's a presentation coming up he still hasn't done that assignment and just last year he probably made his friend hate him with what he said (how could he be so stupid) and now they're only sticking around out of pity.

The first time Thomas acknowledges him is like getting hit by a truck.

Or maybe a lightning strike, because he can feel the energy under his skin even hours later and he can't tell if it hurts or feels better than anything he's ever felt.

Even though all Thomas does is glance up from the lines that he won't be able to memorize in time for the play and mutter: "Can you stop? Please? For like five minutes?"

For the first time Virgil is made aware of how he has changed since Thomas enrolled in middle school.

Or rather, how powerful he has become.

Thomas can't see them and only hear them subconsciously because Janus hides them.

But Janus doesn't hide him anymore.

Can't hide him anymore, as he finds out later when he comes home and his family is staring at him.

"What do you expect of me?" Janus scoffs when Virgil asks and looks bitter. "At this point, I'd have more luck locking a tornado in a house than at hiding you."

Virgil isn't sure how to respond to that.

The image of Thomas making eye contact is still seared into the inside of his eye, crystal clear to see whenever he blinks.

So he just leaves, goes to his room and slams the door.

Part of him wants to feel betrayed.

When they were kids Janus said it was to protect them, the barrier. Virgil still doesn't know from what. He has no idea if he can protect himself from it.

His head snaps up fast enough that it would hurt if the energy wasn't still buzzing.

Does this mean Janus can't keep him within the barrier anymore? 

Can he actually cross the river now?

The want to leave pulls at him, tries to drag him down to the river and across.

Away from everything he knows, away from everything he loathes.

Even he can't hate things he doesn't know.

He can only fear them but fearing things is what he does best.

The fear helps him stay.

For two days, 49 hours is he's exact, it helps.

It keeps him at home.

Them the want overpowers it.

Virgil doesn't know what he's doing before he's down the stairs and running through the town, bare feet slamming into mud and dust and puddles.

He runs through the forest, past monsters and creatures, nightmares and truths Thomas doesn't want to be.

He can't slow down until he's standing by the shore and breathing heavily.

Virgil stares at the water that he has become so familiar with, often using it for shelter because no one can get to him when he's in the river, and the old fear of it, that he barely knew was still there, stretched it's ugly claws for his lungs again.

One deep breath, then he closes his eyes and steps in.

It's the same as always.

He opens his eyes and walks forward.

One step after the other, towards the middle, the barrier and he braces himself for impact.

It doesn't come.

Instead he can suddenly see the other shore clearly.

It is brighter than home. A breeze carries a sweet smell over to him and songbirds sit in the trees tweeting their melodies.

But what really catches his attention is the side standing on the shore.

He is dressed in white and a red sash crosses his chest, by his hip hangs a sword and an instinct tells Virgil that he's a prince. Probably the other broken half to Remus.

And the prince is _light_.

It's like he has some sort of halo or as if he is simply so much purer than the imaginary world around him.

It's the most beautiful thing Virgil has ever seen.

It burns in his eyes and he wants to look away.

The realisation that he actually made it through the barrier, that the prince can actually see him, hits him suddenly.

He can cross the river.

And even though the want urges him to go on, the prince's gaze feeds into the fear and he turns around.

Virgil glances back once and even though he's on his shore again the prince is clearly looking at him. He's not hidden.

The thought makes him shiver and he flees back home to his family.

Janus knows, he's sure of it, but neither of them says anything.

The next evening Virgil goes to Remus.

He's playing with a rat that has a long tentacle instead of a tail.

"Hey, Virgie!" Remus grins. "What's up?"

Virgil sits down next to him.

He's not sure how Remus will react.

"I saw your brother today," he says quietly, watching Remus out of the corner of his eye.

Remus freezes up and the rat runs away.

Virgil tenses but tries not to let Remus see.

"What?" Remus asks. He doesn't sound angry somehow.

"I- I went through the barrier. He was standing by the shore."

For a few long moments, Remus is silent.

"How did he look?" he then asks.

Virgil contemplates for a moment.

"Sad," he then says. "And surprised when he saw me."

Remus lets out a bitter chuckle.

It ends with a sob.

Virgil finally turns to look at him.

Remus curls into himself and tears form in his eyes.

Hesitantly Virgil puts an arm around his shoulder. 

Remus leans into the touch and breaks down crying.

"I miss him," he tells Virgil between wet sobs. "I miss him so fucking much."

It isn't until Remus has calmed down slightly that Virgil speaks up.

"Maybe I can bring you over the river," he offers.

Remus shakes his head.

"I can't go over there."

"Then I'll bring your brother here. I can at least try?"

Remus chuckles wetly and rubs the snot from under his nose with the back of his hand.


End file.
